If preseason is underway, that means Fantasy Football drafts aren’t far behind. It’s time once again to wrangle up your buddies far and wide for your annual league. And that means it’s time for Draft Day shenanigans and some great craft beers to drink along with each couple rounds.
As you bring together friends for this year’s drafts, everyone has their own unique way of doing things, from team management to Draft Day etiquette. You know them — they’re the fantasy football owners that drive you crazy. I abbreviated the explanations of each type of guy, so check out the article to read more about them.
10 Great Craft Beers
Has an affinity for drafting players he can’t pronounce or always forgets the player’s first name. “OK, with the 10th pick in the sixth round, I’ll take BenThomas Green-Jarvus, but man, I really wish I got Denarious Thomas in the early rounds!”
If he can’t pronounce a player’s name, might as well give him something else he’ll stumble over. This Belgian pale ale packs a kick at 8.5 percent ABV, so while he’s enjoying the fruity and spicy notes of this high-carbonation beer, chances are talking coherently will continue to be a problem.
This guy shows up with a mix-and-match six-pack, with four beers in it, and an open bag of chips that he finishes off as soon as he sits down. Then he drinks eight beers.
Like a hurricane, this guy’s goal is to sit down and consume anything in his path. If that’s the case, give him something cost-efficient and tasty like a Magic Hat #9. The apricot-like flavor will keep him happy and the price won’t hurt your bank account.
He has the third pick in the draft and takes up his whole two minutes because he had to get caught up scratching out names on all nine cheat sheets.
Chances are that if TMI Guy is nerdy about his Fantasy team, he’ll be nerdy about his beer, too. Hand him a bottle from Ohio’s Great Lakes Brewing Company, which boasts one of the best top-to-bottom beer lineups around. Their Edmund Fitzgerald porter is a world-class chocolatey-coffee dream, but you can’t go wrong with any of their other offerings, either.
His team is mostly made of rookies and sophomores. This guy usually says stuff like, “I saw some film of this kid against Arkansas State and I swear, he’s the next Jerry Rice.”
If Sports Card Collector Guy is always on the hunt for the next big thing, hand him a bottle from New Belgium’s “Lips of Faith” series, a continually growing collection of small-batch brews by the Colorado brewery. From their Imperial Chocolate Coffee Stout to Coconut Curry Hefeweizen to the sour La Folie, these beers are on the cutting edge and always sought after.
Time Machine Guy
He always ends up drafting the best team in the league – from two years ago. “Michael Vick, Peyton Hillis and Santonio Holmes in the same Fantasy lineup!?! You guys are screwed.”
If you want to go back in time, offer this team owner an Anchor Steam beer, one of the defining brews of the modern craft beer movement. The balanced beer offers a malty, bread-like smell with an extra kick of citrusy hops for taste. It’s a classic American beer that never really gets old.
“Wait, wait, can we back that pick up!?! That’s not who I wanted.” He’s also the guy that accidentally drafts nine wide receivers, but no tight end or defense.
So long as Mister Mistake is going to screw up his team (and your draft), make sure he’s drinking a beer that some may think is a mistake, too. Rodenbach Grand Cru is among the best sour beers available, which new beer drinkers may believe is “ruining” the beer on purpose. Not quite. The sour acidity turns into tart cherry after a few sips.
Your dog doesn’t know what to do with all of the attention he’s getting from this one, weird Fantasy owner that insists on petting him non-stop.
Love dogs? Why not sip on a Flying Dog Raging Bitch IPA. Come for the name, stay for the beer, which finds a great middle ground between its American IPA roots and peppery Belgian yeast. Pine, grapefruit and peach dominate the hop profile, but a malty base keeps things in check and refreshing.
The Super Douchebag
Picks a player that’s already been taken, then after discovering the player is unavailable, he goes off on the guy that drafted him so early, saying what a horrible draft pick it was.
By being a douchebag, this guy already draws the ire of beer people who are typically jovial and just want to have a good time. Give him some wine and send him to the corner to sulk. If you’re looking for a beer to keep him company, give him a Dogfish Head Sixty-One — a new India pale ale brewed with grape must, which is part of the wine-making process. It’s a little hoppy, a little fruity and ideal for someone who whines about the draft.
Asks the guy next to him during the entire draft, “What do you think of this guy?” And every time he makes a pick, he immediately looks around waiting to see if anyone’s going to mock him, then wipes the sweat from his brow and begins worrying about his next pick.
If he’s too dependent on others for what to do — or what do drink — Unsure of Himself Guy is going to need guidance and stick to old standbys like North Coast Brewing’s Old Rasputin. One of the most highly regarded Russian imperial stouts around, this owner will love the hearty chocolate and roasted coffee backbone of this beer since he doesn’t really have one. Just be careful, at 9 percent ABV, Unsure of Himself Guy may just find his voice after all, if he has one too many.
NFL Fan Guy
Wears a Mark Bavaro jersey and usually goes with a quarterback in the first round and backs him up with a second QB in the sixth round.
Serve this guy a bottle of New Albion Ale, one of the modern original craft beers brewed in the 1970s and recently resurrected by Boston Beer Company. This pale ale has “classic” written all over it, with herbal hop aroma that balances well against a slightly malty taste. It’s a blast from the past that is hard to ignore.
Bryan Roth is a beer nerd and homebrewer living in Durham, North Carolina. You can read his thoughts on great craft beers and the beer industry on his blog, This Is Why I’m Drunk, and talk sports and beer with him on Twitter at @bryandroth.