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75 Fantasy Football Team Names

You can go two ways with a fantasy football team name. The first way is to try to intimidate your opponents with your sheer awesomeness. The second is to go for the joke. I vote for option 2. Let’s not mess around and get straight to the names.

  1. Keep Calm and Peyton On: I had to use it once. Sorry, England.
  2. The Count of Montee (Ball) Cristo: Going with the classics.
  3. 50 Megatron Bomb: What, references to nuclear war don’t work?
  4. Your Own Personal Purple Jesus: ADP, yeah you know me.
  5. Pouring out a Forte: PPR gold and a beer reference.
  6. Arsenic and Old Lacy: Another literary reference
  7. Oh That Golden Graham: Who’s hungry for cereal?
  8. Beast Mode Powered by Skittles: Product placement time
  9. skittles_beast

  10. When the Le’Veon Breaks: Probably not a good idea to reference anything broken or injured with a running back.
  11. Kelly Green with Envy: Is any fan base more in love with their coach than the Eagles, plus there’s a reference to them going back to their best uniform combo.
  12. Mitchell-And-Ness-Philadelphia-Eagles-92-Reggie-White-Green-Team-Color-Authentic-Throwback-NFL-Jersey

  13. Andy Reid’s All You Can “Eat”: Evan Silva’s favorite fantasy term gets attached to Reid’s ample gut.
  14. Dad Pants: Homage to the Harbaugh clan
  15. Kaep the Change: Can’t get the San Fran QB off the list
  16. On the Gus Bus: Jaguars fans only
  17. I’m Not In Love with Lovie: For the Cover Two fans
  18. My Dinner with Gruden: Although most fans would prefer Jon to Jay
  19. Smokin’ Jay Cutler: Gives me an excuse to post this picture
  20. tumblr_manzsoqbor1rge9rdo1_400

  21. Manti Te’o: Ghost Hunter: Te’o had as good a chance of showing us his fake girlfriend than catching Russell Wilson on this TD.
  22. Yo Soy Gronkowski: It’s fun to mangle a foreign language with Gronk.

  23. Ertz Doughnut: Can’t keep a good TE down.
  24. Points Per Beer: Alternate scoring option
  25. Kiss the Ring: If you’re winning championships and want to rub it in.
  26. The Joique Store Called: This play on words brought to you by Rumford Johnny.
  27. The Brady Bundchen: The ultimate football power couple.
  28. The Schaub Show: Pick sixes for everyone.
  29. I Told You Not to Draft Him: The Matthew Berry Mantra (below picture is real)

  30. Spiller the Wine: You may feel like spilling a beverage no matter how he does this year.
  31. Fred Jackson, Part Man, Part Adamantium: An homage to Wolverine from a guy who’s gone way beyond the normal RB age curve.
  32. By RGIII’s Knee: He has to come back this year, doesn’t he?
  33. Garcon Means Boy: For Pulp Fiction Fans.
  34. Brian Hoyer, Moxie King: Browns fans may throw things at me for that one.
  35. Concussion Protocol: Your league mates may request this of you if you blow your draft.
  36. Rub Some Dirt in It: Let’s not get into what “it” might be.
  37. Johnny Utah, I Mean Football: Combining Point Break with the Manziel craze.
  38. Julius Orange Crush Superstar Touchdown Guy: How many nicknames can one guy have?
  39. Press the Backside: It’s a running back term. I heard Jon Gruden use it once.
  40. Helu It’s Me: Todd Rundgren time.
  41. Raiders Bandwagon Fits in a Smart Car: Would a Raiders fan be caught dead in a hybrid?
  42. Football to the McGloin: Sorry, Raiders fans.

  43. Money Mettenberger: What, let Manziel have all the fun?
  44. Bill Belichick Scouts my Wide Receivers: If you draft poorly, blame Belichick scouting too much Rutgers tape.
  45. National Flag League: Based on what I’m seeing in the preseason.
  46. Poor Ball Placement: Form may be good, accuracy not so much.
  47. Smoke Break = Fantasy Football Break: Hey, that’s one way to deal with the lost productivity.
  48. Thirteen and Out: If you’re playing reverse psychology.
  49. Sixteen and 0: Start printing those t-shirts for your “dream season”.
  50. Laces Out: For the one remaining Ace Ventura fan.
  51. Lose Like You Mean It, Starring Rex Ryan: Jets fans will eat this one up.


  52. Always Hurt Locker: Titans fan has to get one jab in.
  53. Short Receivers Got No Reason to Live: Another song reference, this time to my many fantasy brethren who eschew short wideouts.
  54. The Frozen Field Turf: Doesn’t roll off the tongue like tundra, does it?
  55. Lite Beers Made Me Draft Trent Richardson: Don’t let catchy beer commercials ruin your fantasy season.
  56. Stream ‘Em All, Let God Sort Them Out: Hat tip to @lateroundqb and @cdcarter13.
  57. Friends Don’t Let Friends Draft Oakland Raiders: Had to be said.
  58. Football on Your Fax Machine: Yes, they still exist. One more excuse to link to the Mannings videos.
  59. Best Beer League: Forget best ball, let’s focus on what matters.
  60. My Beer Mentality: Separates the weak from the strong.
  61. My Dog Ate My Cheat Sheet: Any excuse will do.
  62. Kissing Cousins: That’s about as excited as a fan base will be when their team signs Kirk in a couple of years.
  63. Always Wear Gloves When Drafting: Some drafters can’t get a hold of the sticker that way.
  64. I Tore My ACL, but I Didn’t Tear My MCL: In honor of Darnell Dockett
  65. Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grown Up to Be Browns QBs: If this Browns/Washington game were my first NFL game, there wouldn’t have been a second.
  66. Classic Rock Time

  67. I Fooled Around and Fell in Love with Cordarrelle Patterson
  68. Go All the Way, Andre Ellington
  69. Hooked on a Feeling, Flagged for Illegal Contact
  70. Spirit in the Sky Says Sorry Tebow
  71. I’m Not in Love (with Demaryius, but Chad Parsons says draft him anyway)
  72. I Want You Back (and with a healthy back) Arian Foster
  73. Ain’t No Mountain High Enough to keep me waiting on QB
  74. Nights in White Jerseys by Nike
  75. Tuesday Afternoon (When We Recover)
  76. I Lack Clarity: Totally for Sig.
  77. The Comatose Sleepers: I think about those players who are sleepers every year and will remain sleepers, like Jared Cook.
  78. My kicker could beat up your QB: Only applicable if you draft Sebass.

  79. Goal Line Zach: I just score touchdowns. Play the NFL Films slow-motion music because that’s me at full speed.

About Zach Law

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